i thought that i could handle it, the loss of it, the leaving of a piece of me behind: but here i am, alone in an empty room, usually full of life, thinking of you and i, also once so full of life. four years from now, i’ll pray that i run into you in a cafe, on the street, in a supermarket, buying avocados. by then, you’ll have slept with five people, the fumbling, bumbling memory of your first time a distant memory, and the memory with me with it. i thought that i understood heartbreak, the downhill of the roller coaster, the impact of a linebacker to make you throw up the two days of nothing you’ve eaten, dry-heaving on the bathroom floor; never imagined it was an empty box, the loss of a limb, the “what-do-i-do-now” of the realization that it’s time to lie down and admit defeat. i have never been the one to admit defeat. i was always the one to keep fighting. and now, the anti-numbness, of feeling everything at once, all the love in the universe as i self-destruct, purging it from my pores, praying that the numbness replaces it soon.
got exiled from my room so my roommate could hook up. first time, probably not the last. omg this is so awkward. how do people do it?? how do you not feel like a dick? all my friends are either drinking without me or gone for the weekend. why couldn’t she have waited till tomorrow night? i’ll be gone tomorrow night! these are the questions.
update on my sad lil life: college kinda sucks but only cuz i haven’t made any friends because everyone on my floor hated the “friends” i made and now they don’t like me and that’s okay cuz they sucked and my roommate hates me cuz i told her she can’t have her friends all over my side of the room when i’m out of town so she asked this other girl to switch roommates with her which we’re cool with cuz we like eachother better than our roomates anyway and now they’re all being loud and yelling and being really annoying and now i know why everyone on this floor hated them k bye
yo psa to all roommates: if you want something done, don’t ask in a condescending manner. ask nicely. if your roommate is doing something that seems important, don’t come in and start running your mouth or leave and leave the door wide open when they’re studying. if they have early classes, don’t come in all loud and rowdy at 2am. overall, don’t be a dick to your roommate and if you are, you suck.